The Smash Freshmen, Chapter A

The Smash Freshmen

Chapter Alpha: Tea Party

    Mario set down his fine china teacup.

    “Mmmm,” he said, “Excellent, as usual.”

    “More tea, my love?” Princess Peach asked, holding out the teapot.

    “No, thanks, m’lady,” Mario replied.

    “I’ll take some, Peach,” Luigi said from his seat next to his brother, holding up his empty cup.

    Villager, Rock, and Jazz looked at each other in confusion. The three were sitting in the middle of a long table, tea settings steaming before them. All around them, seventeen other Smash Fighters sat enjoying their tea, laughing and joking with each other.

    “Wait, what’s going on?” Villager asked.

    “Weren’t we just, you know, in the middle of a war?” Jazz asked.

    “Hey, I’m not complaining,” Olimar said from his reclined position next to Villager.

    “But, what’s going on here?” Rock asked.

    “Sakurai and his crew are taking a break from updating this week,” Pit said from his seat across from Olimar, “So, we decided we would too. Peach was kind enough to set up this fancy tea party for everyone.”

    In her place at the head of the table, Peach raised her glass to the newcomers and motioned for them to drink up. The three followed her lead, drinking deeply from their own cups, letting the warm liquid glide smoothly down their throats.

    Putting down his cup, Villager turned his attention to Princess Rosalina, who was sitting next to Jazz on the opposite side of the table.

    “So, Rosalina,” he said, “you’re the newest newcomer to the tournament, huh?”

    Rosalina nodded. “Yep, I got a letter just a few days ago from one of my Lumas. I guess I’ll be joining you three’s training regimen from now on.”

    “If we still have a training regimen,” Rock said. “If you hadn’t noticed, things are a little chaotic at the moment.”

    “I’m sure things will get back to normal soon enough,” Sonic the Hedgehog said, patting Rock on the back. “This battle can’t go on forever.”

    “Yeah, but I’m fairly certain that nothing will be the same afterwards,” Toon Link said, “Bowser and the villains have destroyed most of the 3DS stages, and who knows what the metals are going to pull.”

    Everyone turned a wary eye to Luigi, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

    “Hey, it’s not my fault,” he said defensively. “I’m being possessed at the moment. I can’t say the same for Bowser though,” he muttered under his breath.

    “Now, that’s not fair,” Bowser shot back, “You know I’m not like this normally. Most of the time, I’m just kidnapping the princess out of greed or, ahem, lust. Normally, I would never do anything really bad like kill someone.”

    “Excuse me,” Fox scoffed from the far end of the table, “Shall we revisit chapter thirteen? I’ll have you know, that really hurt.”

    “You’re fine now, aren’t you?” Bowser asked.

    “Only because Luigi came along and infected me with that metal goop of his.”

    “What about my wife, then, huh?” Marth asked across the table from Fox.

    “That was Ganondorf, not me,” Bowser replied.

    “It was you and your little henchman that made the thing that killed her in the first place!”

    “Look, I’m fairly certain I’m not in my right mind at the moment,” Bowser said, “I think I may have been corrupted by the piece of Tabuu’s wing or something.”

    The crowd around the table burst into an uproar.

    “Yeah, likely story.”

    “Cliché villain excuse.”

    “Just take some responsibility already.”

    Villager, Rock, Jazz, and Rosalina caught each other’s eyes as the crowd around them continued arguing. The four leaned back into their chairs and sipped their tea quietly.

    “Alright, alright,” Mario said, standing up and clinking his spoon against his cup, “Everybody, sit down and shut up!”

    The crowd grew quiet. Each of the smash fighters sat back into their seats. Donkey Kong, who had been face deep in a cupcake during the whole argument, looked up and grunted in agreement with Mario.

    “Now is not the time for all this arguing,” Mario said. “I had this tea party arranged so that we could take a break from the story and have a nice moment together as Smash Fighters. It doesn’t matter right now that Bowser is leading a coup against the Smash Grounds. Neither does it matter that Luigi is currently being controlled by Metal Luigi, that Samus stranded Villager and Jazz to keep them out of the fighting, or that Kirby, Link, and I are currently unable to come to our friends’ aid. Right now, all that matters is that we’re here together. We started out with twelve back in June, and have since seen our numbers grown to twenty. Speaking of which, has anyone bothered to welcome Princess Zelda to our number since she arrived last week?”

    Each of the Smash Fighters looked down at their cups sheepishly.

    “I did,” Link said.

    “Ah, thanks, sweetie,” Zelda said next to him, taking his hand.

    “Yes, well,” Mario said, “Zelda, let me be the second to say, welcome back to the Super Smash Bros.”

    Each of the Smash Fighters in turn raised their glasses and repeated Mario’s welcome. Link topped his earlier welcome by planting a kiss on her cheek.

    “I would like to also call attention to our now four newcomers to this year’s tournament: Villager from Animal Crossing; Mega Man, also known as Rock; the Wii Fit trainer from Wuhu Island, Miss Jasmine Fit; and my personal friend, Princess Rosalina all the way from the Comet Observatory.”

    Each of the four newcomers nodded to the Smash Fighters around them as their names were said. “I would just like to express a heartfelt welcome to all four of you,” Mario said. “I think I speak for all of us when I say it is an honor to have you here.”

    Toon Link started a round of applause that soon spread through the entire table. The four newcomers put their heads down in embarrassment.

    Mario waited patiently for the noise to die down. “This has been a great year so far since we announced this tournament. We have seen the construction of many new and exciting stages. Thanks to the efforts of our technical crew, we have eliminated the tripping glitch we had last year. We have managed to set up for not one, but two tournament grounds. We have been joined by friends, both old and new.” He placed his hand on Peach’s shoulder, who looked up at him with a gentle smile.

    “And now, as we head into the new year, I think we can expect even more welcome surprises. Letters have been sent out to most of our veteran fighters, as well as a few to some more new fighters that I am personally looking forward to working with. More stages will be announced, more special features, and with any luck, we should be ready to open before the year is through. I would just like to thank everyone for all that they have done to make it all happen and wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!”

    “Hear, hear,” the crowd around the table shouted, raising their cups to each other.

    “Now,” Mario said, sitting back down at the table. “I think it’s about time we got back to the story. Whose chapter is it?”